Buckle up, because this week’s dispatch is a two-for-one special in the “customer service that isn’t” category, and it’s funnier than it has any right to be.
Exhibit A: Goodreads has, apparently, been quietly filing every single book I’ve ever written under a profile belonging to “Alexandra Grant — Keanu Reeves’ Wife.” Not a typo. Not a joke I’m making for content. An actual default profile that my work has been getting dumped into, credit and all, for who knows how long.
When I pointed this out, expecting maybe an apology, or at bare minimum a shrug emoji, I instead received this actual sentence from their support team: “The profile you are seeing as that of Keanu Reeves’ wife is simply a default profile to which all books under that name are dropped. You can’t possibly expect us to 1) know who everyone is, or 2) monitor every book import for correctness.”
I want to sit with that for a second. This is a book cataloging website. Cataloging books is the entire website. And their official position is that correctly cataloging books is somehow an unreasonable ask. Imagine running a restaurant and telling a customer, “you can’t possibly expect us to know what food is.” Truly incorrigible behavior — and not the fun kind I named this newsletter after.
For the record: yes, she and I share a name. No, we are not the same person. We’re both artists, which I’m sure doesn’t help their filing system, but I promise our bank accounts are not equally famous. Same name, not the same bank account. I wish.
Exhibit B: Medium, meanwhile, continues to insist that my published books aren’t real enough for their liking — this despite me providing my Amazon Author Page AND direct URLs to every single book on its publisher’s site. Apparently none of that constitutes proof that I wrote the things I wrote. I’m not sure what tier of documentation Medium requires at this point — a notarized affidavit? A cameo from the actual Keanu Reeves clarifying that no, this one’s mine?
I’ll keep filing the paperwork, keep sending the polite-but-increasingly-pointed emails, and keep reporting back, because if there’s one thing I am, it’s incorrigible.
The Crayon Corner
My drawing hand was busy composing strongly worded emails this week instead of new work, so here’s a little gallery of pieces I’ve doodled purely for pleasure lately, from a very limited crayon collection. Back to new sketches next issue.
Until next issue — stay stubborn.
— Alex
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